Anime Gods and You

We here at Anime Maru know how hard it can be to find a spiritual being worth devoting your time, effort, and immortal soul to. Because unlike your waifu, who can be thrown out at a moments notice and replaced with a new one if she gets boring and/or is not a virgin, a religion and its respective god are for eternity. Thus we’ve assembled a list of anime-based faith to help you, are loyal readers, find something to center yourself with in these trying times presented in the best and most hallowed of all possible textual formats: a listicle.

Madoka Kaname (Puella Madoka Magica)

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  • As a being of pure good who exists only to help those who are suffering, Madoka avoids all the nastiness, such as natural disasters, arcane laws, and anime series longer then 12 episodes, that tend to come with others gods.
  • As a goddess primarily dealing with a female contingency, choosing Madoka as your One True God, gatherings might be a great way to meet woman. (Disclaimer: Anime Maru makes no guarantee that following Madoka will bring you into contact with any woman, and might actually improve your chance of encountering bearded 20 something men who enjoy “deep anime.” Thank you)
  • Saved the world from the horror of grotesque creatures called Witches…i think, my memories on this one are a little vague on the matter.

Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

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  • As Haruhi is a girl who is always on the outlook for the strange and unusual, we feel that our readers will fit right in with Haruhi’s flock!
  • It’s been quite a few years since Haruhiism was at its peak so you can feel liking something that no else does, making it a religion worthy of strange otaku/hipsters fusions across the world.
  • As a warning Haruhi also caused the disaster known as Endless Eight that led to the sad state of the faith as we know it today in 2009, which might make some want to stay clear of Haruhiism or try one of its lesser spin-off faiths, such as Nagatoism.

Lain Iwakura (Serial Experiments Lain)

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  • Lainsim is a religion open to interpretation, as no one can really agree on the nature of their goddess or even her very existence. Some see her as a patron of technology and the internet, while others still make her out to be an embodiment of the human collective unconscious. All of this vagueness means you can pretty much make up anything you want to believe about Lain and you’ll be just fine!
  • Is always watching you, always…
  • We’re all connected – detcennoc lla er’eW
  • Those following Lain might begin to hear and see strange things, such as the voice of god and the image of a small girl following you our of the corner of your eye only to disappear a moment later, this is perfectly normal. But if you find the constant psychic intrusion annoying, you might want to invest in a good pair of headphones and/or get psychiatric help.

Belldandy (Oh My Goddess)

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  • This Norse goddess is the perfect housewife, making her perfect for those who cannot accept a more authoritarian god into their lives.
  • To boot, she also has a real world counterpart so you can claim that you take part in a real faith, and not just one centered around a manga series from nearly twenty-five years ago.
  • Comes with two freeloading sisters for harem shenanigans, and who doesn’t love those?
  • Her many talents include: cooking, cleaning, attending to divine duties as the Norn of the Present, and street luge.

Giant Naked Rei (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

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  • This gigantic fusion of star seeds Lilith and Adam, is a good choice for those with a strong belief in the soul, as one of her primary objectives is turning every human being on the planet into goo and then fusing their souls into a singular entity where you cannot tell where you end and the next person begins. Fun!
  • Unlike other gods who often keep themselves hidden from view, Rei is very transparent and visible from anywhere on Earth and/or the moon.
  • Both giant and naked, which our polls show are good traits for a god to have.

I hope that helps all of you wandering souls out there! Join us next time when we take a look at something completely different!

About the author

The Queen of the Monster Girls from a distant planet, Fluffy Harpy first came to Earth with the intention of conquering it. She is however quite lazy, and has since given up on that goal and now fills her days with anime, video games, and occasionally writing for this very site. Someday she will show you all. twitter: @fluffyharpy