Arbiter Strike leads to Overcrowded Bars and Death Clog Up

death parade strike

In light of the recent proposal to lift the minimum wage to $15.00 for all part time bartender-arbiters, workers have abandoned their bartending jobs in order to pressure their local governments into raising their wages. This has led to an exponential buildup of souls in bars across the world, who have seen to it that all stocks of alcohol have been emptied. To prevent massive riots and disorder, the UN has gone so far as to halt death, breaking one of their most valued laws: “people die when they are killed”.

However, there is still enormous reluctance in raising the floor for minimum wage on an international scale. Conservatives have stressed their long held argument that raising the minimum wage will decrease the number of jobs available to prospective arbiters. Liberals rebut that the demanding job of reincarnating souls, sending souls to the Void, administering games, and mixing drinks deserves higher pay and that the economy can afford to pay every puppet that desires a higher standard of living.

In the mean time, souls have grown restless waiting for their turn in the Death Games. One of the first souls who found himself waiting listlessly, Kaneki Ken, was found vomiting the margarita he had downed and disturbing the surrounding public peace with his blood lust. UN peacekeeping troops were forced to travel down to remove him from the bar, taking him back to the upper levels of life before his memory could be restored. Other onlooking souls were horrified.

“Anything but that,” said Itachi Uchiha (whose memories were still intact due to a mix up between the Mangekyo Sharingan and an arbiter’s iris), terrified of the prospect of returning to an incurable brother complex.

Negotiations to end the strike are making progress. The arbiters claim that job count will not decrease due to the recent spike (or perhaps consistent high levels) in death count. However libertarians are convinced that the death count is currently at a relative minimum with respect to previous peak times such as the onset of Akame ga Kill. “It’s simple economics: creative destruction entails that arbiters will soon be replaced by functional robots,”one libertarian added.

“What they don’t understand is that we possess and utilize a critical human factor when we judge where ghouls, vampires, demons, moe blobs, and heroic spirits should end up,” an arbiter commented sagely. “This is something that androids and robots simply cannot replicate.”

About the author

Part time hibernator and professional computer starer. She likes the three minutes you have to wait after you pour water in a ramen cup and hates cute anime mascot creatures. Twitter: @Dango_Ramen