Bernie Sanders Purchases Anime Maru

feelthebernToday we are pleased to announce that Anime Maru, the leader in anime news, has been purchased by Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. Mr. Sanders has asked us to publish this quote from him explaining his decision to purchase our website.

“You may have recently heard that The Onion was bought by Univision, who is Hillary Clinton’s biggest campaign contributor. To keep up with her I decided to purchase an online news website, but since my campaign is entirely funded by individual citizens, we didn’t have a lot of money to buy any major news websites. Anime Maru was just about the only thing within our budget of $8.78.”

“Now, I know some have accused Hillary of using the Onion to publish articles that favor her, self-flattering articles that go against the purpose of the website, but I would never drag her name through the mud like that myself. I swear that now that I have purchased this website it will stay exactly the same Anime Maru you’ve all become accustomed to, and I will be doing very little content monitoring on the whole.”

Incidentally, here is our slate of upcoming articles that we have decided on purely on our own, with no input from Mr. Sanders whatsoever:

  • Hillary Clinton Says Favorite Anime is Guilty Crown
  • New Study Finds Voters in Nevada and South Carolina Have Best Taste in Anime
  • You Know How Everyone Pools Their Energy Together to Fire The Spirit Bomb? Well That’s Sort of How Socialism Works
  • 10 Anime Fascist Governments that Resemble What Donald Trump Would Institute
  • Hillary Clinton is the Sort of Person That Would Steal the Strawberry off of Mio’s Cake
  • Bernie Sanders’ 27-Part Analysis of Puella Magi Madoka Magica

 

About the author

Bob_Squob is neither a Bob nor a Squob, but they’re both common enough names to form an alias. After roaming the earth for 10,000 years with no purpose, he came upon Anime Maru, and thought to himself, “It is good. I will make my home here.” He currently resides in the darkness for fear that his taste in anime will be discovered and exploited as a weakness. Twitter: @Bob_Squob