Studio Khara today announced that the long-awaited release of the confusingly-titled Rebuild of Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 would be delayed until Third Impact, an event in which the collective souls of humankind will be fused together into a single entity, thus dissolving the boundaries between people and destroying the very notion of self as we currently know it.
Fans of the long-running and much-beloved mecha franchise were dismayed by the announcement of the delay. “You know,” said one fan wearing a shirt depicting one of Eva’s heroines in a state of undress, “I thought, with this year being the 20th anniversary of Neon Genesis Evangelion and all, that there was no way Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 could possibly be pushed back again. But now I have to wait until the black moon rises from beneath Tokyo-3 and the Door of Guf opens and engulfs my soul just to see the damn thing? Well, that’s just ridiculous. Consider that one less ticket sold, Mr. Anno!”
When approached for comment on the announcement, a Studio Khara representative assured Anime Maru that, despite the delay, everyone was working diligently to make sure that those with enough willpower to reconstitute their bodies following Third Impact would be treated to an excellent film. “While the end of the world and of all we hold dear will be a trying time for us all, fans can rest assured that all of us at Studio Khara are working our hardest to make Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 a film worth striving towards self-actualization in order to witness in person.”
Current plans for the release of Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 for the film’s first screening to be held on a small beach somewhere in the vicinity of the city of Hakone and, according to the film’s official website, “the seas have turned the color of our mother’s blood and all of the souls of humankind have gathered in the black moon as they did when the Earth was young.”
Though we were unable to reach series director Hideaki Anno for comment, sources have sighted him sitting behind his desk with steepled fingers, glasses glaring with ambient light, and a self-assured smirk on his face.