NEW YORK, NY – The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped another 200 points today to a 10 year low after FUNimation’s board of directors voted against releasing more limited edition Cowboy Bebop Blu-Ray box sets. The limited quantity of the highly-sought commodity caused prices on ebay and other second hand markets to soar to several times the MSRP during pre-order.
The news also sent shockwaves across other global markets. Saudi Arabia, which has been steadily lowering crude oil prices to possibly facilitate easier shipping on more Cowboy Bebop units, reacted with fury to the decision. Saudi oil minister Sheikh Naif bin Muhammad said the kingdom risked tension with Iran and the closure of the Strait of Hormuz in anticipation of a second wave of limited editions sets. “This is highly disappointing,” he told Anime Maru. “War with Iran would have been worth it if we could just get some of those sets. We would even settle for the FUNimation exclusives instead of the Amazon ones despite their inferiority.”
Over in Moscow, the Ruble dropped another 20% and the Russian central bank imposed a steep interest-rate hike as citizens lined up for hours to withdraw currency from ATMs and bank branches, following rumors that black market copies of the box sets were available for cash-only purchase. President Vladimir Putin also announced his intention to penetrate further into Eastern Ukraine in search of the elusive Blu-Rays. “I hear there are a few copies somewhere in Donetsk,” Putin said in a televised address to the nation, “and I’ll be damned if I’ll let some Ukrainian otaku claim them.”
Back in the U.S., several proud owners of the sets didn’t understand what all the fuss is about. “It’s not even that great,” said 17-year-old Mark Brach of Orlando, FL. “Some of the discs came loose during transport and had minor scuffs on them. The fansubs are better than these official versions, and the dub track for episode 11 is mistakenly in mono instead of stereo. Honestly, I sort of regret even buying them in the first place,” he added dejectedly.