High School Senior Realizes He’s Missed His Chance to be an Anime Protagonist

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With graduation right around the corner, Japanese high school student Kongou Shouta has realized that he no longer has any chance of being an anime protagonist.

“I don’t understand what I did wrong,” Shouta told interviewers, “I spent my high school years cultivating all the qualities necessary to be an anime protagonist. I’m totally unremarkable, never had any romance, and my personality’s completely bland. I even joined the kendo club to give me some sort of baseline for combat. I mean, I’m not necessarily asking for anything supernatural here, but you’d think I’d at least have a harem by now.”

Despite Shouta’s work, nothing anime-esque happened to him in his three years of high school. No supernatural events revealed themselves to him and he never bonded with his kendo team over the sport. Though he reportedly once observed a girl running to school with toast in her mouth, he has not once bumped into a girl who immediately began berating him or blushing furiously. Instead, he mostly sat around waiting for something interesting to happen to him, acting like the passive anime protagonist he assumed he was.

“I’ve really shot myself in the foot here, I put all of my eggs into the high school anime basket. If I wanted to be the main character of a Seinen I’d need to have done something to cultivate a backstory by this point, and if I don’t do something interesting now before I’m twenty-five then it’s all over. I really wish I’d been born a girl, they can literally do nothing and still be an anime protagonist as long as they’re cute.”

At present, Shouta has been desperately cramming for his entrance exams in the hopes of becoming a high school teacher so he can at least be a mentor figure or comedic relief character.

About the author

Bob_Squob is neither a Bob nor a Squob, but they’re both common enough names to form an alias. After roaming the earth for 10,000 years with no purpose, he came upon Anime Maru, and thought to himself, “It is good. I will make my home here.” He currently resides in the darkness for fear that his taste in anime will be discovered and exploited as a weakness. Twitter: @Bob_Squob