International Idol Dispute Leads to Nuclear War

IdolWars

NEW YORK CITY — Talks at the UN Headquarters today ended in disaster as world leaders clashed over fictional idols.

The escalation occurred after North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un interrupted a discussion between Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and French President François Hollande about the best unit configurations in THE iDOLM@STER 2 to support Kisaragi Chihaya as the leader. The North Korean leader interjected saying that “it doesn’t matter because iM@S is garbage anyway.”

Kim went on to trash the 765 idols, visibly angering Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and other Latin American leaders by declaring Ganaha Hibiki as “the worst girl”. Kim went on to claim that the imaginary Okinawan character’s already scarce screentime was “way more than she deserved”.

In response, Nieto called for nuclear missile strikes on North Korea, surprising the assembled world leaders, who did not know that Mexico was a nuclear capable state.

Outrage at Mexico launching nuclear weapons developed despite signing the Non-Proliferation Treaty devolved into the leaders of the world emphatically berating each other for having shit taste in idols from both the Idolmaster and Love Live! franchises. Screams of “How can you even stand Yayoi?” and “Umi is literally the most generic character possible” could reportedly be heard across the river in Brooklyn.

Tensions reached a climax after President Barack Obama, notorious for liking Yazawa Nico, declared the Nico/Maki ship “clearly superior to Rin/Maki.” Russian President and fervent Hoshizora Rin fan Vladimir Putin immediately launched all Russian nuclear missiles at the United States.

At press time, all known nuclear weapon states have launched their nuclear arsenals. If you are reading this before the warheads detonate, thank you for your readership. If you are reading this after The Fall, learn from our foolish mistakes. Don’t build nukes. Love each other. Like the right idols. God bless.

About the author

Forged in the fires of computer science and nerdom, Usny is forever at work on an engine that gathers pictures of cute anime girls from all corners of the internet. If his collection is ever finished, he will somehow be buried with it beneath a tombstone proclaiming that "Hitagi will always be best girl."