Kyoto Animation Announces Plans To Disappoint Fans With Fake Hyouka, Full Metal Panic News As Well

Kyoto Animation Headquarters, as seen without the demonic concealment spells in place

Kyoto Animation Headquarters, as seen without the demonic concealment spells in place

KYOTO – After a mysterious Suzumiya Haruhi geocaching promotion was revealed to be related to an upcoming pachinko machine and not a third season of the anime series, Kyoto Animation announced today that fans can look forward to future Hyouka and Full Metal Panic announcements as well, but that neither of those will be about new anime either.

“Fans have nothing to worry about,” said KyoAni president Hideaki Hatta, “We have no intention of actually making more Haruhi or Hyouka or Full Metal Panic, but we absolutely plan to act as though we do. It’ll just be to promote some other non-anime product like a pachinko machine or mobile game. Perhaps even a re-air of a show.”

However, Hatta urged fans to keep their hopes up. “You never know,” he said with a wry smile. Later, when the press conference was over, Hatta privately confessed to Anime Maru that the only reason he wants fans to remain optimistic is that Kyoto Animation is actually run by ancient demons that feed on the disappointment and crushed dreams of humans.

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Based in a one man space station in geosynchronous orbit over Japan, Neontaster is a graduate of Hard Knocks Gakuen with a masters degree in Moeology. He usually has no idea what the hell he is talking about, but is marginally competent at faking it. You can pelt him with rotten digital vegetables on twitter @neontaster