Lonely Otaku Spends Entire Vacation Missing Anime Expo

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RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil — Rio de Janeiro is famous around the world as the “Cidade Maravilhosa“, but one anxious tourist just doesn’t understand its charms. Kevin Swift, an American tourist and self-professed otaku, has spent most of his time in Rio on his phone, refreshing Twitter every three to five minutes.

Despite spending a dream vacation in Brazil, Kevin found himself completely paralyzed by the thought of missing out on Anime Expo. “I planned to spend a whole day on the beach at Ipanema,” he told Anime Maru. “But I was so anxious to see what my friends had purchased from various booths that I was on my phone the whole time. When my phone ran out of batteries, I had to cut my beach time short so I could go back to my room and use my laptop to check up on my friends instead.”

Kevin’s preoccupation with Anime Expo significantly reduced his ability to enjoy the sounds and sights of Rio. Despite obtaining a ticket to a World Cup quarterfinal at the Maracanã, Mr. Swift reported that he spent most of the match daydreaming about lining up in the Los Angeles Convention Center. “I just feel wrong missing out on Anime Expo,” he said. “It’s a real 4th of July tradition for me. I’m never booking vacation during this week again.”

“God, I wish I had faster Internet,” said Kevin. “I’m dying to see how Love Live ends. It’s too bad I can’t share my thoughts with everyone on Twitter, though. It’s just not very cool to post about anime more than a week old anymore. It’s so hard to keep up when you’re overseas. I thought about biting the bullet and paying $50-$100 in roaming fees so I could catch up with everyone else… but then I figured Brazil doesn’t have Crunchyroll anyways. Do they even know what anime is down here?”

About the author

Akira has seen in his visions the four horsemen of the anipocalypse: condescension, snobbery, exclusivity, and greed. He is a long-time admirer of Yamamoto Yutaka. Currently resides in Halifax with his waifu and two dogs. クソまじめ野郎。Twitter: @Akirascuro