Loot Crate, the monthly subscription service that delivers geek or gaming-related merchandise, has announced that the theme of their sub category box, Loot Anime, for the month of January will be “Reality Check.” This announcement was made in the spirit of New Year’s resolutions to start off 2017, replacing the previously announced theme of “Dimension”.
Established in 2012, Loot Crate garnered over 200,000 subscribers worldwide within its first two years, and has offered anime themed crates since January 2016. Each month subscribers are delivered parcels full of merchandise related to their selected interests, while paying approximately $25 monthly.
Founders Chris Davis and Matthew Arevalo have since realized that for the past year they have been encouraging the growth of the anime fandom by supplying people with physical substance that reinforces people’s love for the medium. This led to the decision to drastically alter the contents of this month’s box in order to cause subscribers to cease watching anime instead, hopefully reversing any damage done thus far.
“I’m quite excited actually,” remarked Arevalo. “We know how much our customers love to receive a bunch of random shit cool new stuff every month for such a great price. Just think of their reactions when they’re given the priceless gift of an improved lifestyle! Not to mention all the new unboxing videos that’ll come of this month.”
“Not that unboxing videos should be changed, since they’re already the most exciting type of video out there.”
Each box is designed specifically to convince each recipient of their horrendous life choices, and to persuade them to drop their escapist NEET lifestyles of immersion in Japanese entertainment. Each box will contain a book that is neither manga nor a light novel, a picture of some old Japanese guy with the caption “Anime was a mistake,” a mirror to be used for staring at something hideous other than your waifu (who does not exist), a comprehensive list of local job listings, and a Blu-Ray box set of Sword Art Online.
Themes for future months have also been leaked, namely “[No Girl Will Ever Give You Any Valentine’s Day] Chocolate” for the month of February, and “Three-gatsu” for March.
While many have already opted out of their subscriptions, others openly welcome this new change, falsely believing in their own ability to actually stick with a New Year’s resolution for more than one week.
…so go on. You know you want to.