CONCORD, NH — In an announcement made yesterday, Andrew Lanfeld has finally given up on his dream of being a mangaka after 27 years of trying. In an open letter on his Facebook account, Lanfield expressed regret that his effort and struggle over the past quarter century have come up for naught.
“I’ve finally realised that it’s too late for me to become a rich and famous mangaka like my hero Muto Ashirogi. While I still plan on becoming rich and famous, I’m too old to become a mangaka now,” Lanfeld wrote to the surprise of no one.
Eyewitnesses claim that the 33-year-old former aspiring-mangaka was distraught. Lanfeld started drawing around age six, and by age seven he had stopped drawing and started talking about being an artist instead. Lanfeld dismisses a lack of practice being the source of his poor artistry, insisting that “it just wasn’t meant to be,” and that no amount of hard work or determination could have gotten him closer to his dream.
According to reports from Lanfeld’s teen years, he was already aware that the manga industry was predominantly Japanese, prompting him to study the Japanese language for approximately one month before giving up. Beyond the linguistic and cultural gap, Lanfeld assured his friends and family that his art, that he wasn’t drawing, would be good enough to find him success anywhere.
After a brief period of inactivity lasting about 13 years, Lanfeld finally picked up his pen to begin his career as a rich and famous mangaka. But after several long seconds of scribbling it was clear to Lanfeld that he could not actually draw.
“I just don’t understand! I spent so much time tracing manga, I should be able to draw it!” Lanfeld wrote. “I’ve had all these idea for fantastic original stories that will never be told…”
When pressed about these fantastic original stories, Lanfeld refused to divulge any more information. Many have speculated that these stories are connected to a recently discovered Google Document titled, “My little eyepatch wearing sister is a vampire gothic lolita and has super powers by Andrew Lanfeld”.
“I know I have enough talent to work at Marvel.” Lanfeld proclaimed, “But comics are for manchildren.”