Today’s guest post is brought to you by Kromo.
MILWAUKEE, WI — A 34-year-old local resident was shocked to discover this week that the anime DVD collection he has been amassing over the past several years was largely fake.
James Teager told Anime Maru that he has been buying DVD’s and Blu-Ray disks for over decade, building up a collection of over 500 series. The accumulation of his life’s work, however, has not paid off. According to Teager, at least half do not contain discs at all — he has found blank discs, change, and pieces of cardboard, inside the packaging where anime movies and TV shows should be.
Teager discovered the hoax when he opened a copy of Shakugan no Shana that he bought nearly five years ago. Instead of the heartwarming tale of a bipolar ginger and her eunuch manservant, he found dozens of strips of cardboard. Shocked, he immediately opened the second season, only to find shreds of copper wire that fell to his feet.
Experts suggest that this scam has been going on for years and has largely gone unnoticed by the community. Research suggests that 99% of anime home media go unopened, and are typically relegated to the bookshelf to collect dust and accrue non-existent collectors’ value.
“To be honest, it was just dumb luck I stumbled across it,” Teager said. “Last week my hard drive died and the internet was down. Then, I was planning on watching anime on my phone, but my hands got tired and I dropped it in the toilet.”
“This could have happened to anybody,” Teager said.
With all other sources of entertainment out of commission, he resorted to his vast physical media collection — things didn’t go as planned. “I was devastated…box after box, just full of junk, look at this Amagi Brilliant Park Special Edition Blu Ray. When I got it, I gave it a shake to make sure there was something in there, then I just put it in on my shelf. To think I paid over a hundred dollars for this, and it’s just full of rusty nails and crumpled newspaper!”
Teager’s collection was all authentic and officially licensed merchandise. When reached for comment, industry spokespeople were evasive.
“Wait, somebody actually tried to use a Blu-Ray player to watch anime?” Aniplex customer service liason Christine Normal told reporters. “Does he have a Chromecast? Did he lose his external hard drive? Was Crunchyroll down? Hell, does he know what Nyaa and BakaBT are?”
“Jesus Christ it was going so well until a fucking caveman apparently bought a disk from us.”