Man Who Tried to Legally Marry Homemade Figures Rebuffed by High Court

SAN FRANCISCO — In what anime fans throughout the United States are decrying as a travesty against justice, the California Supreme Court unanimously affirmed an appellate court’s decision to deny a man who attempted to procure a marriage license for two of his homemade anime figures.

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“Our client has suffered a severe blow to his civil rights,” said American Civil Liberties Union spokesperson Amanda Quinn. “Unfortunately, we are still mired in an era where the law dictates who can and cannot get married. We will continue to fight for our client’s rights.”

The leadup to the case began when the defendant, Stephen Martin, saw the first few episodes of the popular Japanese animation series Kill la Kill. Because it would be months before official figures would be out, he said, he created his own figures of all the major characters of the series. As he admired his figures more, the “chemistry” between two figures in particular caught his eye the most.

“I really like how my Gamagoori and Nonon figures look together,” Martin said. “After a while I fell in love with them as a couple. I wondered how I could best express my feelings for them, and I thought, ‘Well, why not make it official?’”

Martin visited his county’s registrar’s office to attain a marriage license for his pairing. However, he was denied, he said, because “they told me it was weird and that two figures can’t get married to each other.”

“I was furious,” Martin said. “Who were they to deny my love, my passion, my one true pairing?”

Martin filed suit against the county. His claims have been denied at each level of court in California, and each time he has appealed to the next level of court. The California Supreme Court heard his case and came to a decision this week.

In a strongly worded 678 page opinion, Associate Justice Goodwin Liu outlined the precise legal reasoning for the court’s decision to uphold the ban on Martin marrying his figures.

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Martin’s controversial pairing elicited demonstrations well before the case went to court.

“You walk in here looking to get two characters married, and you pick Gamagoori and Nonon? What, are you going for Mako x Inumuta next? Get the fuck outta my face with that shit,” Liu wrote.

Martin was visibly saddened when he read the opinion.

“That’s just, like, his opinion, I guess,” Martin said.

Liu closed out his opinion with a strong summation of the situation.

“tl;dr Your pairing is shit, your figures are shit, your waifu is shit,” Liu wrote.

About the author

Emerging from the ultraviolent urban sprawl of the 1980s, Shinmaru is the Angel Cop, the 34th Mad Bull, the Wing of Garzey, and The Almighty King of the Street. His taste is total trash. Twitter: @Shinmaru