Manga-Anime Guardians of the Galaxy To Fight Piracy Wherever it May Lie

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XANDAR — Following their heroic rescue of the planet Xandar, the space-faring superhero team Guardians of the Galaxy announced that they have accepted a mission from the government of Japan to put an end to anime and manga piracy throughout the universe.

The announcement has not been popular with fans, especially ones without a legal alternative to piracy.

“Sure the Xandarians may get most shows simulcast on Crunchyroll, but how am I supposed to watch my OreImo when I’m travelling to the outer star systems?” bandit ship captain Ulkrox complained. “These region-locked licences are total bullshit.”

According to the Ministry of Economy, Trade, and Industry of Japan (METI), over 50% of manga and anime fans outside of Japan consume pirated works, which equates to as much as US $20 billion in lost revenue.

When asked about backlash from fans outside Japan, a METI spokesperson told Anime Maru that “foreign fans are hurting the anime industry by savagely stealing anime that we don’t sell to them.”

“Imagine if you are an anime fan in Italy,” the spokesperson continued, “if you pirate an anime episode, the studio and distributors don’t get any money. If you don’t pirate the anime, the studio and distributors still don’t get any money because fuck you for living in Italy.”

The Manga-Anime Guardians of the Galaxy have taken this mission because they “emphasize with the noble cause of protecting industries that lose money because they don’t sell their products to meet demand,” a METI source reports.

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The Guardians themselves have stated that the mission is relatively straightforward.

“According to our METI intel, anime and manga pirates are just doing this for money, and once we destroy their mothership they will all just go away,” Manga-Anime Guardian Rocket told Anime Maru. “Once they understand what they are doing is wrong, they will go back to paying exorbitant amounts of money for shitty releases that are years late.”

“I am Groot,” another Guardian member added.

For better or for worse, the Manga-Anime Guardians of the Galaxy will begin their long journey to rescue the anime industry this week. Barring any setback, they are expected to successfully end anime and manga piracy, mirroring the success of other anti-pirating campaigns in the past.

Before embarking on their mission, Manga-Anime Guardian leader Peter Quill offered this statement to Anime Maru:

“Keep on stop piracy. We are Manga-Anime Guardians.”

About the author

Editor-in-Chief, CEO, and Fearless Leader of Anime Maru. He was trained by the North Korean People's Institute of Journalism and Media. kevo follows voice actresses on Twitter and pretends to understand their Japanese tweets. Twitter: @kevo31415