CRETE, IL — Food scientists at the Silliker Solution Center have revealed a new product this week at the National Nutritional Advancement Convention, one that they hope will improve the lives of anime characters all over the world.
“How many times have you seen schoolgirls like Yui Hirasawa or Madoka Kaname running off to school with a single slice of toast dangling from their teeth because they woke up late?,” a pamphlet advertising the new supplement reads. “We at Silliker realize that if there’s one thing in this world which cannot be changed, it’s teenagers. If they wake up late, they simply do not have enough time in the morning to enjoy a nutritious meal before school.”
“We decided to respond by addressing the issue at it’s simplest source: the food itself. If these kids are going to keep running out the door with nothing more than a slice of toast, we might as well make sure that it’s a damn good one. We’ve altered the chemical composition of the food to include all the nutritional elements of a healthy breakfast along with the contents of a typical megavitamin, from proteins and sugars to Vitamin C and D.”
“The toast is available in several flavors emulating traditional jams or butter on toast, so no further condiments or toppings are necessary. We are currently working on new flavors like bacon and eggs, pancakes with syrup, and fruit yogurt which will be integrated into the market once the new flavors have been fully completed.”
I personally cannot wait to sink my teeth into “coffee spiked with way too much Kahlua” flavor as I run out the door, late to my morning job.