BRUSSELS, Belgium – A meeting of top-tier commanders in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was marred by a string of recent global catastrophes that were averted at the last second, not by NATO forces themselves, but rather by little girls with magical powers or other superhuman abilities.
“This can’t continue any longer,” said Rear Admiral Johan Guttberg of Joint NATO Naval Taskforce C. “It was bad enough when those little witch girls swooped in to defeat the invading aliens, and when that team of four magical girls inspired by playing cards closed the rift in reality that connected us to the Abyss of Doom, but now they want to appropriate our regular duties too. There is talk of bringing in a magical girl to solve the crisis in Ukraine, and possibly even augment coalition airstrikes on ISIS with magical attacks. It’s madness!”
However, an anonymous source within NATO told Anime Maru that top commanders have already made up their minds due to the previous effectiveness of supernatural attacks, and that the military commanders were just angry because they keep getting their asses saved by tween moe girls.
Additionally, the Adolescent Female Fighting Force Defense League (AFFFDL) wished to state that the playing card girls who closed the passageway to the Abyss of Doom were not magical, but were rather given access to advanced technology designed by the uncle of one of the girls. An AFFFDL spokesman stressed that using the generic term “magical girls” for all forms of adolescent female fighting forces was insensitive.