WORCESTER, MA– A gruesome scene unfolded last night as local hipster Jeff Davis, 24, was burnt alive at the stake. His own friends reportedly carried out the act after Davis claimed that “Miyazaki is an overrated director”. So far there have been no homicide charges brought up against Davis friends, mostly because everyone agrees they did the right thing.
Reports indicate that earlier in the evening Davis had been invited to a housewarming party for a friend. While the night started off pleasant, it took a turn for the worse as the conversation eventually turned to anime. It wasn’t until Davis attacked the acclaimed anime director that things got violent.
“Everyone just froze a little bit after he said that. Like, was he being serious?” Goro Tezuka, an attendant at the party, told Anime Maru.
According to eyewitness accounts, the party turned tied Davis up with very little resistance. Crime scene analysts have speculated that this lack of a struggle may have been due to the alcohol Davis consumed at the party, while others cite his involvement with anime as proof that he was not physically fit enough to fight back properly.
“We just had to burn him.” Lindsey Vargas, one of Davis’s close friends, defended her decision to murder him in such a gruesome manner. “That’s just the way it is, Jeff should have known better than to besmirch Lord Miyazaki.”
Davis was taken into the backyard, where he was eventually burnt to death along with a pile of Love Hina DVDs. Police found his body the next day along with the much more more disgusting DVD sets, some unfortunately still in working condition.
According to eyewitness reports Davis was completely unapologetic about his remark. Davis has even been quoted saying, “I stand by what I said, people put him on a pedestal. And when that happens it becomes hard to judge his work objectively. Miyazaki never wanted to be an untouchable god of anime. He’s just like me and you. Maybe it’s time we admit to ourselves that Ponyo wasn’t that good.”