New Online Dating Service Exclusively for Anime Teachers

caker

School is starting once again around the world this fall, which brings another year of kids dragging their regrets of an unfulfilled summer around on their shoulders and another season of anime where unloved high school teachers lament about not becoming somebody’s waifu.

In Japan it’s a tradition to give cake as a present for Christmas, but regardless of how fresh the cake is leftovers get thrown out after December 25th. The same can be true for women over 25: to the average Japanese male their hand in marriage is worthless regardless of how attractive they are. As such, these women are often called “Christmas Cakes”, and they exist just as much in reality as they do in the 3-D world. More often than not these women are highschool teachers because, as we know, life doesn’t exist outside of highschool.

To combat this “Christmas cake crisis” the Japanese government contracted the development of a new dating app specifically for anime highschool teachers so that anime fans can match with their perfect mid-to-late-20’s waifu. Running on the success of the popular dating app Tinder, the app is called Caker and works in much the same way. To learn more, we asked a few users (who opted to remain anonymous) about their experiences with the app.

“I like it, although all of the matches I’ve gotten just want to introduce me to their parents and get married immediately.”

 

“>Draw a girl, call it a woman. Why does Japan get away with this? Regardless, all cute anime girls deserve love!”

 

“Girls don’t touch me in the 3-D world so it doesn’t really matter if I’ll never get to hold hands with my Christmas cake waifu as long as people understand what we have is true love.”

The app is due to the American App Store and Google Play markets in early 2017.

About the author

Having been sentenced on 3 separate occasions to commit honorable sudoku after various incidents involving lava lamps and body pillows, Steve sought sanctum against the legions of radical Haruhiists he'd enraged. He fled to a lesser-known corner of our solar system where he happened to find some free wifi and an artisan bakery that appealed to his hipster tastes.