Op-Ed: Please Stop Recommending Weeb Names for Features On Pluto

literallyhitler

Cameron Onana
New Horizons Science Team

I would like to begin my letter by thanking the anime community for their interest in the New Horizons mission and the exciting things we have been learning about Pluto the past few months. We very much appreciate the support and interest we have received around the world and we are privileged to have inspired so many.

That said, could you damn weeaboos stop recommending your anime names for features we’re currently discovering in the Pluto system? I understand that we invited the public to suggest names for these newly discovered craters, valleys, and plains, but we intended for people to recommend cool stuff. Mordor. Cthulhu. Tartarus. Cool stuff like that. Whoever submitted the name “Kirino” under the category “Names of Underworld Beings” for Pluto probably thought they were being clever, but we did not spend the last 10 years working to get these images so we can name them after moeshit. Furthermore, renaming the entire planet Aikatsu is completely out of the question.

How are we going to get funding in the future if the public found out we spend $800 million on a probe and named an entire planet after imaginary little girls? It must take a lot to have the bona-fide nerds at NASA of all places cringing. I mean maybe someone totally kickass like Kamina or Dio we might consider, but can’t you just put your waifus on your pillows and cars and leave our celestial objects alone? Stop asking us to name everything on Styx after Kancolle boats. The only upside is that at least Yuudachi is far, far away from me.

God you fucking nerds. I hope we at NASA never discover anything again. Now please excuse me, I must write another letter to those creepy My Little Pony fans.

About the author

Editor-in-Chief, CEO, and Fearless Leader of Anime Maru. He was trained by the North Korean People's Institute of Journalism and Media. kevo follows voice actresses on Twitter and pretends to understand their Japanese tweets. Twitter: @kevo31415