PARIS, TX — Last week, 28-year-old anime fan Learmont Irons reevaluated his life upon finding out that his current “anime of the season” was originally porn. Reports indicate that Irons was browsing the franchise’s Wikipedia page when he discovered the horrifying truth. While struggling to cope with this revelation, Irons barricaded himself in his room. Eyewitness accounts state that he refused to come out until “Nasu took back what he did”.
Kinoko Nasu has been unavailable for comment since the incident.
When questioned about his reaction, Irons had this to say, “When I first started watching [Fate/Stay Night] Unlimited Blade Works I expected the girls to be pure maidens. Imagine my shock when I found lewd images of my favorite character. It’s one thing if it’s fan art, but the fact that it was official ruined my image of Tohsaka Rin. I felt betrayed.”
When asked about other characters such as Saber and Sakura, Irons said he had no problem with that. He explained that since neither Saber nor Sakura were his waifu then he could “care less about those sluts and their H scenes in the visual novel.”
Anime expert and Type-Moon enthusiast, Howard Ludo shared his thoughts on the matter, “It’s these dirty secondaries. They think that they can waltz right in here without reading fifty hours of scrolling text. [Irons] wouldn’t have been surprised if he had read the fucking visual novel.”
There are similar reports involving such beloved series as Little Busters, Utawarerumono and Yosuga no Sora. Fans seem to be uncomfortable with the fact that their favorite anime was originally fap fodder for lonely Japanese men. This has baffled researchers.
“During this difficult time of betrayal I am confiding in the anime whose authentic, pure, and heartfelt love story made me fall in love with the medium: Kanon,” reads a note left by Irons.
As of press time, Irons is still barricaded in his room. According to his MyAnimeList account, Irons is still keeping up with the series despite the setbacks.