CONCORD, MA — In a very unfortunate turn of events, Megan Crampton’s relationship with her boyfriend of four years, Dan Abbott, is in jeopardy. According to their family and friends, the source of the couple’s strife was triggered by Abbott’s Steam library, where Crampton allegedly found what can only be described as “those gay Chinese games”.
Crampton tearfully recounted how she discovered Abbott’s disturbing hobby to the press. “At first I thought he was cheating on me, because he never let me see his laptop. But when I opened up his Steam account I found something much worse than I could have imagined.”
Abbott’s library contained titles such as Recettear, Daganronpa, and most damning of all HuniePop. To make the situation even worse, Abbott wrote user reviews for his depraved games. In one of his reviews for Steins;Gate, Abbott dares to say, “Steins;Gate sets a high bar for visual novels on Steam; it’s superior to the anime and I hope to see more Nitro+ games on here in the future.”
Abbott’s friends claim his behavior is nothing out of the ordinary, and even imply his hobby to be healthy. However just a glance at Abbott’s Steam friends reveals a sea of anime related avatars, completely invalidating any argument they would have.
Even Abbott’s mother shows a lack of concern when confronted with her son’s degenerate activities. “As long as those crazy Japanese games keep him away from pot, I don’t really care what he plays,” she tells Anime Maru.
Understandably, Crampton was at a complete wreck, as would be any sane person upon the discovery that their significant other actually plays Melty Blood. She is not planning to immediately break up with Abbott, but will not be attending senior prom with him this spring.