Senator Ousted as Ecchi-Loving Trash After Broadband Privacy Repeal

ecchi-senatorWASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Congress voted several weeks ago to repeal rules for protecting the privacy of internet users. Entitled the “Protecting the Privacy of Customers of Broadband and Other Telecommunications Services”, the rules were approved by the Federal Communications Commission in October to prevent internet service providers from collecting information on consumers without consent. The repeal of these rules allows telecommunications companies to potentially track, sell, or market the browsing history of its users.

The law has been lambasted by privacy advocates, but generally praised by the telecommunications industry. A Comcast spokesperson described the latest legislation as, “a great advancement in allowing us to more faithfully serve our millions of subscribers and hopefully reach our goal of constructing a giant money pit by the end of 2019.”

The bill’s sponsor, Senator Jeff Flake (R-AZ) has faced controversy this week when an anonymous party purchased a block of web browsing history from internet provider Cox Communications. The web history, which included Senator Flake’s recent internet search activity, was posted online and seems to reveal that the junior Senator is a fan of low tier ecchi anime. In the data dug up by users, it was revealed that Flake’s favorite anime include To Love Ru and The Testament of Sister New Devil.

“I always knew something was wrong with that guy,” said Arizona resident Anthony Kraigus. “From his watch history I can kind of understand now why he has no integrity — someone who panders to lobbyists would be into this pandering garbage.”

“Oh, I should look that up…uh I mean… this is just terrible,” 26-year-old Jacob Schaultz of Phoenix told Anime Maru. “I can’t believe we elected someone with such horrible taste.”

Senator Flake has yet to respond to allegations regarding his web history. Anime Maru has sent several emails to Flake but has received no response thus far. In our later calls to the senator’s office, a member from the senator’s staff stated that Mr. Flake is currently having trouble remembering his Yahoo Mail password and cannot respond at this time.

Fellow Arizona Senator John McCain (R-AZ) has defended Flake against the allegations claiming there was no way he could watch “communist Chinese cartoons” as both himself and Flake would not know enough about the internet and computers to even be able to do so. When questioned why someone who knows little about the internet would so adamantly sponsor a bill affecting it McCain reportedly began a thirty minute rant about his time back in Vietnam.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.