Supporters Celebrate Trump’s Primary Triumph by Masturbating to Anime

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Following Ted Cruz and John Kasich dropping out of the presidential race this week and Donald Trump becoming the presumptive nominee, Trump supporters nationwide celebrated the victory by masturbating to anime.

On social media, Donald Trump supporters reaffirmed their belief that Trump would be the next President of the United States based on his core pro-anime-masturbation policies. One Trump blogger posted a video of himself masturbating while saying to the camera, “It’s about time we had a candidate who’s willing to say it as it is and speak out against SJWs in favor of the real oppressed group in this country, single men who masturbate to anime. Donald Trump is best guy, and he’ll save this nation that’s been cucked by non-anime porn.”

All across the nation, single men gathered in large numbers to watch anime and then masturbate to it in commemoration of the event. A large number of the men wore Donald’s iconic “Make America Masturbate (to Anime) Again” hat, and many had underwear with messages supporting Trump around their ankles. While masturbating the men loudly yelled comments about the fine nation Donald Trump would create and how his politics would further their anime masturbation agenda, with each statement serving to increase the intensity of the masturbation.

Donald Trump himself appeared at one rally, leading the masturbation by example while delivering his speech. “Indiana has spoken and America has spoken, and they’ve said it loud and clear: We will not stand for the establishment’s ‘rules’, saying we cannot masturbate to whatever anime we want, wherever we want to. I tell you guys, it’s gonna be great, I’m gonna build a wall, and I’m gonna get anime women dress up like Mikasa, a super hot babe by the way, and hang out on the wall, so we can masturbate to them at any time.” This image brought Trump’s supporters to such euphoria that two years worth of semen made a deafening glopping noise and overflowed the stadium.

At press time, several Trump masturbation rallies have been interrupted by Pro-Sanders protesters, who insist the Trump supporters instead circlejerk to Bernie Sanders like they do.

About the author

Bob_Squob is neither a Bob nor a Squob, but they’re both common enough names to form an alias. After roaming the earth for 10,000 years with no purpose, he came upon Anime Maru, and thought to himself, “It is good. I will make my home here.” He currently resides in the darkness for fear that his taste in anime will be discovered and exploited as a weakness. Twitter: @Bob_Squob