Waifu Smile Protection Insurance Rates Skyrocket

the smile that couldn't be savedIt takes the work of 10 muscles to generate a smile, but some people use every muscle in their body to protect the smile of their waifu.

In a recent trend, rather than keeping track of every best girl, every waifu war fodder, many people have been taking smile insurance out on their waifus every season.

“Think of it like dental insurance, except instead of paying you back for surgery or dental appliances we pay you back for the emotional trauma if you can’t protect your waifu’s smile” says Brent Favero, a sales representative for AniShield Smile Insurance Company. The company has been struggling in recent seasons.

“Everything was going great around the start of last season, we had been building a steady consumer base. Then the recent episodes of Re:Zero started airing… Thousands of insurance claims on Ram… Millions on Rem… We sunk underwater fast. We had no choice but to raise our rates, unfortunately.”

AniShield isn’t the only company that’s been experiencing financial troubles. Between more violent shows like Re:Zero or the recent ending of the Nisekoi manga and other harem stories, smiles have been more difficult for organizations to insure. Facing a massive amount of claims, many companies went into complete bankruptcy and went under. The remaining companies have had to raise their rates by exponential rate.

“Current rates on premiums are currently calculated as a percentage of that character’s net worth in sold related merchandise times the number of other love interests. But this system is simply old and outdated, it wasn’t ready for a character like Rem whose merchandise before the Anime started airing was in LNs and the Manga adaptation” says Favero. “I would much prefer a system that aggregates the rate according to the number of other customers that have already insured that waifu. That would mean if you don’t get on the train early, you have to actually be original”.

When Anime Maru confronted Favero about the fact that every waifu is garbage and there fore anyone could make a claim on those grounds, he got a very panicked look on his face before ending the interview, saying he had to make some “phone calls”.

About the author

Having been sentenced on 3 separate occasions to commit honorable sudoku after various incidents involving lava lamps and body pillows, Steve sought sanctum against the legions of radical Haruhiists he'd enraged. He fled to a lesser-known corner of our solar system where he happened to find some free wifi and an artisan bakery that appealed to his hipster tastes.