#5: Rebuild of Evangelion

Have you ever wondered what Evangelion would be like if it lacked all substance, nuance, and point? Well wonder no more as the Rebuild of Evangelion movies are here to provide all of that and less. By leaving out character development and a story deeper then a puddle, the Rebuild of Evangelion series strives for a hollow experience that leaves plenty of room for sexualizing 14 years olds for no real reason. This makes the Rebuild series the least Evangelion Evangelion according to our rating system.

#4: Death and Rebirth of Evangelion

A movie that reminds you that the Evangelion TV anime is indeed a thing that exists and that you’d rather be watching it, Death and Rebirth has been described by critics and fans alike as “pointless” and a “waste of time”. If you thought the original ending of Eva was stupid, marvel at this mess of a film in which scenes you have already seen are, both in the main series and two clip shows, recalled alongside animation backed by classical music because it didn’t cost Gainax any royalties. As the animated embodiment of the phrase “buying time,” Death and Rebirth is the 4th most Evangelion of all time.

#3: RahXephon

Chiaki J. Konaka’s 2002 Evangelion fanfiction,  RahXephon, asks the the important questions such as “what if it was Evangelion but Misato was best girl?” and “how much depression can we wring out of our viewers while still confusing them as much as humanly possible?” Of all the anime that are not Evangelion, RahXephon is the anime that is the most Evangelion of them.

#2: End of Evangelion

Look this movie has a 6 minute long song about wanting to kill yourself because you’ve fucked up your life that badly. If that doesn’t say something deep about this movie we don’t know what will… wait Christ, he masturbated over what now??? Fuck it! Give this thing the second slot so I don’t have to think about it anymore.

#1: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Premiering in 1995, it could be said that Neon Genesis Evangelion changed anime as a medium forever. This story of paternal abuse, half-assed religious references, and its creators psycho-sexual hang-ups is regarded as one of the best and/or worst anime of all time depending on who you’re asking, the time of day, and the current phase of the moon.  For all of this alone, it comes in at first as the most Evangelion of all Evangelions.