90% of Japanese Traffic Accidents Attributed to Eurobeat

TOKYO, JAPAN — Figures released by the Japan National Police Agency in its annual traffic accident and crash statistics report have concluding that up to 90% of all traffic collisions and roadside fatalities are, in some way, directly attributable to the influence of Eurobeat.

Eurobeat, a high-tempo sub genre of electronic music, is mostly known due to its prominent inclusion in the cult anime series Initial D which focuses on the underground culture of illegal street racing in Japan. The series helped spark interest in “drifting” and bring street racing to the attention of mainstream pop culture.

Hou You-yi, director general for the NPA, provided his take on what he referred to as the “Eurobeat scourge” in a public safety report titled ‘Eurobeat Intesifies: Just Because You Have a Toyota Doesn’t Mean You Can Drift It’.

“Eurobeat is basically just crack for these young people,” stated You-yi. “They’ll hop in a souped-up AE86, R32 Skyline or RX-7, kitted to the 9’s with a body kit, neon’s and some moe characters plastered all over it, then drive up into the mountains and get into an accident with the first few corners.”

Due to Japan’s relatively strict and rigid society, You-yi figures the youth of the nation are looking for alternate avenues to rebel. “The music these kids are listening to is just way too intense and has too strong of an influence on people to be deemed road legal. Have you ever gotten behind the wheel of car with Running in the 90’s or Deja Vu blaring through the speakers? It’s physically impossible not to speed or attempt to drift. Trust me, we lost our fair share of trainees testing it out.”

In an attempt to address this issue, the NPA will be sentencing anyone with a Eurobeat related traffic infringement to attend mandatory re-education in which subjects are exposed to 48 straight hours of city pop and anime inspired lo-fi hip hop. Before the press conference was dismissed, we questioned the NPA as to what the other 10% of accidents were for. The NPA simply stated, “Those damn Mario go-karters in Shibuya.”

About the author

Due to anime currently being classed as a schedule 8 narcotic, Heatfist currently writes for Anime Maru through a series hastily cobbled together VB tins and harmless upper middle class racism, broadcasting from a hidden bunker, located deep in the Australian outback. Communicates solely through sardonicism and second hand banter stolen from early 2000’s AMV’s.