Ahogamer RETRO Reviews: Super Smash Bros. Melee


Pikachu is in it, that means it’s anime enough for this site


Hello faithful Ahogamers, today I’m going to look at the critically acclaimed Super Smash Bros. Melee. Not only was it one of the Gamecube’s top selling titles, but it was also an important game from my childhood. I remember I’d play it every Saturday morning with my little brother until our parents’ divorce, and he went to live with dad. So let’s see if this classic holds up!


The controls are very fluid and tight, whatever either of those words mean. In any case it was very easy to win against my little brother, who would run to a corner of the room and cry when he lost. I always thought the controls were very unappreciated in Melee. Sure it’s easy to say they’re better than Brawl’s motion controls, but in Melee the controls are so well defined that you’ll never give your son a black eye out of a drunken rage.


The game contains many iconic tracks from notable Nintendo games. From the Legend of Zelda theme, to the retro Mr. Game and Watch music. The original score is a classic in its own right, and will instantly trigger memories of a simpler time. Of course the game’s sound does have one major flaw, and that is volume. For some reason the game was never loud enough to cover up the shouts and screams from the kitchen when I was a child. I would always be able to hear my father yell “That’s not even my kid!”, which really took me out of the experience.


What does the ‘F’ in ‘F-Zero’ stand for? That’s right, ‘father’. Coincidence? I think not.


For many characters and stages the graphics are bright and cheery. It’s a nice slice of escapism for a ten year old boy. That’s why I always disliked how grimy and dirty the Metroid stages were, those were just uncomfortable to play. The more cartoony and less close to anything resembling real life, the better.


Since this is a fighting game I guess I’ll talk about the roster. While Brawl and Smash 4 added many more characters, Melee’s is just better because I grew up with it. I really wish they’d kept Mewtwo around instead of switching him out for newer and worse Pokemon. My favorite character was Kirby, because he could turn into a rock so that nothing could hurt him. My least favorite was Captain Falcon. He was just too much of a macho masculine father figure for me to enjoy playing as. I never got why people thought his catchphrase “Falcon Punch” was cool or funny. Obviously these people had never actually been hit like that in real life like I have.


Fun is a complete fair and objective topic for review. That being said I had the most fun playing Melee than any of my other GameCube games as a child. However I do realize that there are some people who will have less fun with it than others. Like my little brother, who always said that it was no fun because I won all the time. There was this one time while we played that my mom started throwing plates at my father. This made my little brother so upset that he ran to his crying corner and stayed there the whole night. But this only made me more upset, because we were in the middle match and now I had no one to play with. So yes, there are times when Melee can be a little unfun, but most of the time it’s fantastic.


In conclusion Super Smash Bros. Melee not only holds up, but is even better than when I played it as a kid. Sometimes I wish I could get together with my little bro and play a quick round of Melee, but he won’t answer my phone calls. So until then I’m stuck on single player mode.

About the author

Talking about himself in the third person has never be Morlock's strengths, however it would seem that duty calls for a change in POV. Hobbies include: self loathing, mindlessly consuming japanese media like the weeaboo that he is, and complaining. Mad Bull 34 is still the greatest anime Morlock has seen. For some reason he has a Twitter: @TheMorlock