JASON’S MOM’S BASEMENT, NH– Three thirty year-old men faced devastating emotional trauma last Friday when weeks of world building was flushed down the drain by the party’s newest member, Ryan Holland. The small Dungeons and Dragons game operated out of a small home in NH, where their Dungeon Master Jason had crafted an elaborate world he called Byston Well. All that changed when Alec, playing a half elf sorcerer, invited his cousin Ryan to play with them. Ryan’s character page is shown below.
Dungeon Master Jason and fellow player Richard Dauntermill, a Dwarf Cleric, were aghast. Not only was there no such thing as a ‘Japanese Schoolgirl’ class, but it also completely clashed with the painstakingly developed world of Byston Well.
Dungeon Master Dungeon Master Jason lamented Ryan’s choice of character. “I spent days crafting the language for my Kobold/Gnome hybrid race. I sketched out the architecture of the Grand Cathedral. I even set up a complex system of trade and bartering, making it so that your adventures don’t just change the world but the economy itself! Then this chucklefuck comes in and breaks the whole world I built.”
Early reports have suggested that this one event may have put Dungeon Master Jason off DnD for life. Years spent as a DM mean nothing now that Japan has managed to ruin yet another medium.
Even a DnD veteran like Richard Dauntermill has found trouble coping with this absolute wizaboodry. He blames his fellow player Alec for the game’s recent misfortunes. “This is really worse than the time Alec brought a girl over and she didn’t even know what a drow was! I mean come on, it’s like she didn’t even read the player’s handbook!”
Alec still defends his cousin’s choice, making bold claims that Dungeon Master Dungeon Master Jason and Richard Dauntermill are antisocial outcasts who can’t take a joke. “I didn’t really think it would be a big deal. I mean Ryan just wants to have some fun, these guys are taking it way too seriously.”
“There’s a reason why Alec is always so intent on ruining our games.” Richard Dauntermill explains. “It’s because he’s a half elf. I play as a dwarf, the more balanced well thought out race. This is just a textbook case of elf and dwarf relations gone awry.”
Ryan seems to be completely unconcerned with his actions, saying that “Those guys are a bunch of nerds anyways.”