WASHINGTON, D.C. — At today’s Senate Judiciary hearing, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh provided surprising new evidence against the sexual assault claims against him by making his anime list public.
“I have stated this week that I never sexually assaulted any when I was in high school because I was a virgin, and now I have definitive proof,” Kavanaugh said, before presenting a MyAnimeList account with the username JudgeDrednaught, which he claims to be his own anime list.
The list shows that Kavanaugh watched dozens of anime series and movies in the 1980s, which Kavanaugh claims means he certainly did not have time to be committing sexual assault.
“Some may argue that me being an anime fan does not inherently prove I was a virgin, but you have to remember that this was in the 1980s. It was a different time.”
Kavanaugh particularly drew attention to the controversial “beach week” that was on the calendar he previously released. While Kavanaugh admits he did go to beach week, he contends that his anime list shows he spent the whole week in his hotel room binging fansubs of Beast King GoLion.
Democratic senators have expressed concerns that Kavanaugh may have created a fake anime list to throw off suspicions, but conservative commentators have assured the public that adding fake entries to your list is impossible.
UPDATE: A new accuser, Japanese high school girl Saki Yoshida, now claims that Kavanaugh’s anime list corroborates her own allegations.