Console War Rivals Settle Differences Over Shared Love for Thighs

TOKYO, JAPAN — The three major game console manufacturers — Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft — announced today that they had settled their differences and agreed to all coexist within the marketplace after bonding over a shared fondness for voluptuous thighs.

Preliminary sources indicate that Microsoft Executive President of Gaming Phil Spencer, Sony Interactive Entertainment CEO John Kodera, and President of Nintendo Kimishima Tatsumi discovered their shared passion during an abnormally lengthy recess during a meeting earlier this month designated to explore ongoing tensions and issues affecting the game industry.

Witness accounts indicate the heads of the console giants somehow ended up chatting about strategies to unite the industry’s consumer base while co-oping through Nier: Automata.

Shuntaro Furukawa, who will be taking over Kimishima’s role as President of Nintendo this month, watched in awe as the historic event unfolded.

“They didn’t even seem to really be playing the game, to be honest. It seemed like they just kept blowing up the main character and were just saving a whole bunch of zoomed in camera shots of the scantily clad character model while continuously fist-bumping each other,” Furukawa told Anime Maru.

Additional reports indicate seeing the three leaders frequently visiting during downtime and sharing an uneasy amount of obvious winks back and forth.

A few additional conditions have come from the agreements, including Microsoft being required to produce a specified amount of Japanese role-playing games per financial year and both Sony and Nintendo required to reduce licensing fees on popular otaku-bait franchises such as Final Fantasy and the Senran-Kagura series.

About the author

Due to anime currently being classed as a schedule 8 narcotic, Heatfist currently writes for Anime Maru through a series hastily cobbled together VB tins and harmless upper middle class racism, broadcasting from a hidden bunker, located deep in the Australian outback. Communicates solely through sardonicism and second hand banter stolen from early 2000’s AMV’s.