Years ago, we here at Anime Maru proudly announced Anime Maru Streaming, a new service that will revolutionize everything you know about watching anime. After delays caused by the pandemic and the global shortage of Tenga eggs, we’re finally ready to fund our project with a new name: Anime Maru Streaming Tube!
Anime Maru Streaming Tube is a new, multiplatform application product that will allow you to watch anime and read manga on iOS, Android, Microsoft Zune, Nokia phones, Ouya, and your Juicero! Our app uses the power of blockchain to deliver twice the amount of anime to you at a fraction of the cost!
Conventional apps like Crunchyroll and Funimation are Netflix-style streaming apps that have major issues. Our app simply does not have these issues.
Can you believe that Crunchyroll makes you buy a subscription to watch anime ad free? Here at Anime Maru Streaming Tube, once you purchase a premium subscription you will be able to watch anime without any ads! If you don’t want to buy a subscription, no problem — you can still watch your favorite anime as long as you’re willing to sit through some ads. Take that, Crunchyroll!
Don’t you hate the icky way Crunchyroll and Funimation localize complex nuanced Japanese dialogue? Don’t worry, our subtitles will be directly translated using Google’s advanced neural machine translation platform so you’ll never have to read cringy English vernacular again! Fully immerse yourself in the formal keigo that is ubiquitous in anime dialogue.
How are we able to offer powerful features like search, content filtering, and chat for a fraction of the cost other streaming platforms? Because we are anime as a service! Our high tech team of anime avatars work day and night to buy up all the anime licenses and deliver them to you via the machine learning blockchain IoT distributed augmented reality cloud. We’re in discussion with every single major anime production company that hasn’t sent us a cease and desist letter yet.
Sword Art Online? We got it. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood? We got it. Spice and Wolf: Coin of the Sun? We got it. We got all the licenses, and we’re ready to deliver all the anime (and manga! and light novels! and webtoons! and sports why not!) right into your eyeballs as long as you give us $500,000 on Kickstarter. Don’t delay! Anime might go away if you don’t save it fast enough. My ex-wife’s lawyer is bothering me for alimony again. Donate now to save anime!