Eric Trump Found to Have Hired “Rent-A-Father” Services

Eric Trump, also known as “the other Trump son”, was revealed by associates to have been regularly hiring from a service known for offering rental family members to clients. Eric reportedly payed the service considerable fees to hire a rental father to accompany him on multiple occasions.

Expenditures show that Eric first began employing the services at the beginning of the year. Colleagues stated that it was likely the lack of a prominent father figure in Eric’s life that initially attracted him to the service. Over the last few years, Eric’s father, Donald Trump, has been seen spending significantly less time with Eric. It soon became a common occurrence for Eric to sometimes go weeks without as much as seeing his father.

“The guy hasn’t been himself the past couple of years,” said Robert Skelvol, one of Eric Trump’s former college friends. “He used to seem so much happier, smiling in photos with that awkward upper tooth grin. Now whenever I see him he just comes across as angry and frustrated with himself.”

Eric has attempted numerous times to garner praise from his father, appearing on Fox News and promoting baseless conspiracy theories in hopes of getting his father’s attention. Recent attempts have become even more desperate with Eric during his speech at the Republican National Convention stating that he misses working alongside his father and, just a few weeks ago, tweeting an odd claim that a Google search result showing the anime Mob Psycho 100 for the key word “mob” was somehow an indication of political bias.

During hired sessions, Eric’s rental father would reportedly take Eric out for various activities such as visiting amusement parks or going out for ice cream. Most notably, when his real father was busy playing golf during the early stages of the pandemic, his rental father helped lift Eric’s spirits by taking him on a trip to Disney World. Eric also reportedly paid extra to be referred to as “my favorite son” during his outings and would often receive other words of encouragement from his rental father. While some criticized the president’s son for hiring such services, those close to Eric said that they have noticed positive changes in Eric since he started.

“He seems a lot happier and more optimistic since he started seeing his rental daddy,” said Eric’s wife, Lara Trump. “He still keeps trying to get his father’s attention back, but he gets a lot less discouraged when he fails now and doesn’t lock himself in his room anymore.”

Eric Trump declined to comment on the matter claiming that he was too busy preparing for the general election campaign. Inside sources, however, state that Eric has instead been excitedly looking forward to his next meetup with his rental father who promised to take him to Chuck E. Cheese.

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Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.