TOKYO, Japan — Japan is in ruins today after being consumed by fire and brimstone sent by God as punishment for the nation worshiping false idols.
“Look, I thought I made this perfectly clear; it’s right there in the Second Commandment,” said God in an official statement. “I told Moses that no one should be worshiping made-up idols, and Japan has been in flagrant violation for years now.”
“The Japanese populace has clearly lost their way. I’m really not overstating things when I say they were worshiping the idols, I’ve seen countless literal shrines created to these fictional characters and multiple Satanic attempts to summon the idols into the real world. I’m forgiving of a lot of sins, but honestly it was just getting too sad and pathetic for me to stand by any longer.”
Meanwhile, preachers in America have begun giving sermons warning Americans not to fall to the same fate as Japan. “The Japanese people thought that idols were their m@sters, but only God is our one true master. Forget about Love Live, God is the only love that you should live.”
At press time, there have been unsubstantiated reports from the Kingdom of Heaven that the actual reason for the divine judgement was that God was just really salty that no one likes his favorite idol anime, Wake Up Girls!