Hirohiko Araki Runs Out of Good Stand Names


TOKYO, Japan — Since 1986 Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure has referenced many music icons to the delight of it’s fans. Stands such as Killer Queen, King Crimson, and of course Yo-Yo Ma paid loving tribute to their musical inspirations. But now the future quality of Jojo seems to much darker. At a recent convention, Hirohiko Araki admitted to fans that he has finally run out of stand names.

“At first naming Stands was easy,” Araki told panel attendees. “After I ran out of tarot cards I just flipped through my albums for names. Then I started Googling bands that I hadn’t used yet, ones I never listened to. I’m ashamed to admit it, I have not actually listened to anything by the Spice Girls.”

Needless to say, Arizona’s Collision of Spice Girls and Jojo Fans was shocked. The group will be disbanding later this afternoon.

“It only gets worse,” Araki continued, “I’ve run out any good bands or even songs to name my stands. And without obtuse music references, what will keep people reading Jojo? ”

“We always knew this day would come,” Araki’s editor pointed out following the panel. “We knew after Green Day that his good taste in bands was starting to run out. Luckily we’ve prepared for this.”

Since the announcement of Araki’s writer’s block, the magazine Ultra Jump revealed several new stands. These stands were picked with a random name generator, assuring that the creative integrity of Jojo will remain intact. Among the new stands are One Direction, Death Grips, and The Theme From Robocop.

David Production responded to the news, announcing that they will not be making any future seasons of the critically acclaimed anime. Their press release stated, “We’ve enjoyed adapting the past four parts of Jojo’s. With the recent announcements, it’s in our best interest to cease any new seasons of the anime. And to be honest, we just needed an excuse to avoid Part 5.”

In a tweet, Araki reassured readers that, “If worse comes to worse, I’ll just bring back hamon.”

About the author

Talking about himself in the third person has never be Morlock's strengths, however it would seem that duty calls for a change in POV. Hobbies include: self loathing, mindlessly consuming japanese media like the weeaboo that he is, and complaining. Mad Bull 34 is still the greatest anime Morlock has seen. For some reason he has a Twitter: @TheMorlock