In Likely App Error, ‘Attack on Titan’ Wins New Hampshire Primary, Crunchyroll Awards Won by Bernie Sanders

CONCORD, NH — In a surprise upset, Attack on Titan has been declared the winner of the New Hampshire Democratic Primary. In equally shocking results, Bernie Sanders has won the Crunchyroll Anime Awards. Some political and anime analysts are suggesting this is likely due to an error in the voting application created by Shadow, Inc.

“These results can’t be legitimate,” said anime fan OniBuster06 on Twitter. “Every single poll predicted that Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba would win New Hampshire.”

“While it was expected that Bernie Sanders would do well in New Hampshire, we didn’t see a single vote for him, with most people voting for Attack on Titan Season 3,” explained political analyst Jimmy Grimmer. “It was almost as shocking as Sarazanmai being nominated for best fantasy anime series in the Crunchyroll Awards.”

Similar to events in Iowa a week ago, individuals present at the primary reported issues using the app, immediately throwing the validity of the results into doubt.

“It keeps logging me out for no reason, throws up error messages, and doesn’t work great on my Roku or PS4,” election monitor Jenna Castigan told Anime Maru. “Oh, and I guess the election app kinda sucks too.”

Some analysts, however, suggest the results are correct and indicate a shake up of both the Democratic race and the Crunchyroll Anime Awards.

“We all assumed shounen crap was going to sweep the Crunchyroll Awards due to casuals voting,” said AnimeBoobs479 on Instagram. “So it is really exciting that a transformative candidate like Bernie Sanders won.

“I’ve definitely seen the whole series and love it.”

Greg Schultz, campaign manager for Joe Biden, was also hopeful following the results. “No one expected Joe Biden to tie for first among human candidates in New Hampshire or come in fourth in the Crunchyroll Anime Awards. We’ve beaten all expectations!”

“This definitely shows that kids these days are hip to Uncle Joe!”

Anime Maru reached out for comment from Shadow, Inc. about the controversy.

“We stand by the results; nothing went wrong,” said Shadow, Inc. CEO Gerard Niemira. “We’ve had multiple of these votes run smoothly, the last one we did that went without a hitch was the Funimation Best Anime of the Decade list.”

About the author

G. Smith has seen the opening to the Toei Kanon series more recently and more often than you. His retirement savings is entirely invested in anime dvds, anime cels, and anime statues he stores in the basement. His Uno game could be better. He is on Twitter @gricomet