NEW YORK, NY — Local man Barry Campbell has had to deal with increased suspicion from visitors to his apartment regarding his Miki Hoshii dakimakura, or “medicinal pillow,” as he calls it in front of others.
“It used to be so simple. All I had to do was take the cover off my dakimakura and hide it in a drawer when people came over. If they asked about the pillow I’d just say I was a restless sleeper and needed something to hold onto at night, and they’d basically just go with it. Nobody was any the wiser, and nobody had to know about my double-sided half-naked/fully-naked 15-year-old girl pillow cover.”
“But then the sitcoms started in with the love pillow jokes, and now people have started getting suspicious. One time I had a girl in my apartment, and she saw the pillow and said, ‘Hey, you have one of those Japanese pillows that James Franco had in that one episode of 30 Rock,’ and I had to carefully explain to her that those pillows come with the anime girls printed on them, and that my pillow was completely unrelated.”
“Just yesterday my 8-year-old cousin came over, and he looked at my pillow and said ‘Hey, it’s Miki-chan!’ I nearly had a heart attack and asked him what he meant, and apparently he was referring to a joke they made on some Cartoon Network show about bears. If the dakimakura references have made their way into children’s shows now then I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I’d hide the pillow in my closet, but there’s no room left since that’s where I hide all of my lewd figures!”
Meanwhile, Barry’s Miki Hoshii Dakimakura is glad of the increased awareness of her kind, and dreams of the day when Barry is no longer ashamed of their relationship and is willing to be seen with her in public.