Kaiju Gather Outside Tokyo to Protest Lockdown Orders

TOKYO, Japan – Dozens of kaiju gathered along Tokyo Bay this afternoon to protest the ongoing lockdown of the city in wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. A state of emergency was declared for the city earlier this month with schools, public venues, and most non-critical businesses closing in order to maintain social distancing and slow the rate of infection.

Many of the gigantic creatures expressed their concerns that the less-crowded streets of Tokyo would affect their ability to go on a rampaging path of urban destruction. Without a plethora of citizens to terrorize, many kaiju suddenly found themselves out of work.

“It’s just not the same to emerge from the water without the thousands of terrified onlookers fleeing for their lives,” said Gesinorator, Destroyer of Worlds. “How am I supposed to bring about the collapse of modern society when no one is out participating in it?”

Some kaiju have reportedly also begun to feel increasingly frustrated as they have been forced to stay at home in their underground lairs and deep ocean caverns waiting for quarantine orders to end.

“I’ve been looking forward to this fight for weeks,” stated Octoterrordon who had to postpone his upcoming showdown with Mecharaptor. “And now they say all the humans are staying inside?! I’ve been lurking at the bottom of the ocean for three millennia, how much longer am I supposed to wait? It could be months before the city fully reopens again!”

The protesters have called for the immediate reopening of all public spaces and for the central government to encourage gatherings of as many people as possible. Demonstrations continued throughout the day with Montagora, at one point, biting off a portion of the Tokyo-Bay Aqua Line, disrupting travel for many of the city’s emergency vehicles.

“I think they are really blowing this pandemic out of proportion,” said protestor Cybersaurus Rex. “There are more fatalities in a single day of one of my Tokyo attacks than there have been from coronavirus so far.”

The state of emergency currently still remains in effect until May 6th. Many of the kaiju have suggested that if they cannot go back to work soon they would being traveling across the Pacific to the United States where people seemed much more willing to gather along beaches in large numbers during a pandemic.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.