Kyoto Animation Completes Machine that Turns Yuribait into Money


KYOTO, Japan — For years now, we’ve watched the trial and tribulations of famed studio Kyoto Animation as they struggle to make an anime that sells enough to compensate for the tremendous budget they allocate to their shows; notable flops in DVD sales have included Nichijou and Tamako Market. We’ve seen glimpses, however, of KyoAni’s ultimate plan. From the close “friendship” between Nibutani Shinka and Dekomori Sanae in Chuunibyou or the power dominance Kawakami Mei had over Izumi Reina in Musaigen no Phantom World, we’ve seen what KyoAni finally intends to reveal this upcoming Fall season.

Hibike! Season 2 is not an anime so much as a machine that turns yuribait into DVD sales.”

This comes from Ishihara Tatsuya, the series’ director.

“All it takes nowadays is for us to hint that some muff-munching is in the back of the minds of our characters and weebs will buy that shit up.”

The machine goes through a complex logarithm as you watch to determine how much yuribait between the show’s two main characters – Oumae Kumiko and Kousaka Reina – based on how willing you are to buy DVD/BluRays at a base level. The less likely you are to buy, the more it’ll show to trick you into thinking that  any sort of romance in a high school anime can actually develop.

“We found that young lesbian love is a much more powerful tool for getting people to buy DVD’s than normal love, it just took a bit of experimenting for us to figure it out,” Ishihara laughs. “Why were we so focused on a heterosexual romance in stuff like Amagi Brilliant Park? It’s not like the guys who buy our DVD’s have any chances at getting a girlfriend!”

The first episode of Hibike! Euphonium 2nd Season airs October 6th.

About the author

Having been sentenced on 3 separate occasions to commit honorable sudoku after various incidents involving lava lamps and body pillows, Steve sought sanctum against the legions of radical Haruhiists he'd enraged. He fled to a lesser-known corner of our solar system where he happened to find some free wifi and an artisan bakery that appealed to his hipster tastes.