Land Speed Record Broken by Eurobeat Powered Hatchback

The fastest speed ever recorded over land was beaten earlier today by a vehicle reportedly propelled by the power of Eurobeat. The record setting vehicle, a modified Toyota hatchback, was observed reaching a speed of 786 mph (1264 km/h) over a distance of one mile across the Black Rock Desert, beating the previous record of 763mph set in 1997.

Not much is known about the specifications of the vehicle other than that its engine had been heavily modified throughout its lifetime and the interior was stocked with a variety of Eurobeat mixtapes. The high energy dance music could be heard blaring from the car’s sound system by observers as it made its way across the desert.

The first run by the car was recorded reaching a top speed of 729 mph. As the tempo of one of the Eurobeat tracks picked up, the vehicle was able to accelerate in the second run to reach its record-breaking speed. Witnesses claim the music playing over the scene gave the vehicle almost seemingly impossible characteristics.

“It was like nothing I had ever seen,” stated observer Michael Clarkson. “But at the same time it gave off this surreal feeling of deja vu, like I have been to this place before. It was unreal.”

Engineers have proposed that the use of Eurobeat was so successful due to it being the only type of music able to keep up as a driver approaches the speed of sound – where other music would normally drop out.

The mysterious driver of the vehicle was unable the be pressed for comment on the record-breaking feat, excusing themselves in order to supposedly make a tofu delivery later that evening.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.