GAINESVILLE, FL — A local college anime viewing club is reeling today after a night of end-of-semester festivities took a turn for the worse. According to authorities who were on the scene last night, one member of the club brought his katana to the club’s final meeting.
“You know swords are dangerous, they’ll cut your fuckin’ throat wide open” University of Florida campus police officer Connor Fisk told Anime Maru Staff. “It’s partially our fault that he even got the sword on campus in the first place; we normally have a strict no-sword policy.”
Keen to show the sword — which the Amazon Marketplace seller had assured him had been folded over a thousand times — to the other members of his anime club, the student apparently lost his grip of the katana while improvising a move from the popular samurai anime Gintama. Thankfully, the sword was not the high-quality weapon the student was promised and was too dull to do any serious bodily harm. The students who were struck with the sword in the incident, along with the students who were struck in a second incident when the wielder insisted he had trained for several weeks to do the trick, were treated for minor cuts and bruises.
“Nobody got seriously injured today, which is a good thing,” officer Fisk told Anime Maru. “But this will have to serve as a lesson for future club-goers on campus. Starting today we will be adding a sword education program for prospective clubs so more students know that swords will cut your fuckin’ hands off.”
Officer Fisk was forced to return to the scene before he could finish describing the statistics on sword-related casualties per year, as the katana’s owner had to be subdued, still insisting that what he learned by watching Rurouni Kenshin had made him a master of the steel.