Today’s guest article is courtesy of Truthless. You can find him on Twitter at @Truthless_Jere
PARIS, TX — A local teenager has expressed frustration and disappointment after his efforts to emulate My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU male protagonist Hikigaya Hachiman have seemingly come to naught.
“I just don’t get it,” Lance Burdeau, an 18-year-old student told Anime Maru, “I acted exactly like Hachiman for an entire semester, but I didn’t end up with a harem!”
Burdeau recalled his rigorous efforts to embody the lifestyle of the isolated, friendless Hachiman, describing in detail the daily routine that didn’t lead to his social success. “For an entire semester, I would wake up each day and try to convince myself that I didn’t think of my younger sister in a sexual way. It was hard, since otherwise those thoughts were pretty out in the open between the two of us.”
“At school, I made sure to eat my lunch at my desk, alone, trying to avoid any confrontation with other people. Hell, I tried not to even talk to the other guys in the class.” Burdeau explained, applying a thick layer of gel to the forced stray clump of hair at the top of his head, something that our reporter was unable to stop him from doing during the interview.
“At the start of the semester, I spoke to the guidance counselor at school to find out what the least populated club was, joined it, and then reluctantly went to it every day. I showed up each day, just like Hachiman and sat away from the rest of the group, ignoring them all. The other members stopped showing up before I did.”
During the interview, there were extended periods where Burdeau began smirking and laughing without saying any words, seemingly indulging in some internal monologue which he would not explain.
Later, Burdeau began discussing the various crushes he had in his class. “I chose two girls – just like in Oregairu season 1. One girl had black hair, the other had blonde because I couldn’t convince any of the girls to dye their hair Yui’s colour of orange. It was terrible though – no one came up to start a conversation with me while I was having lunch.”
Burdeau seemed most confused during the interview when discussing a male friend from his school, whom he initially called Totsuka, but blushingly began to call him Tim. “T-Tim was the closest I got to being Hachiman. I felt as confused about him as I did about hiding my thoughts for my sister.”
After this, he explained that he would approach any conversation by one of his peers with sarcastic, snide remarks, and try to dismiss them by insulting them and forcing them away from him.
Burdeau says he has no intentions of stopping his attempts to emulate fictional emotionally confused, insecure high schoolers. “I do not yet despair – this semester was suffering, but I’m pretty experienced with suffering – I’ve watched Madoka Magica. I trust that next semester, a new girl will show up at my school, and then all the girls will notice me.”
you are a fking retard. because fking kids like you, that our society is fked-up.
is this for real?
This guy is so misleading, Hachiman-shisou’s life troubles taught us to be stronger person when things like him happened in your life, yet this guy try to lump his life in the troubles. Utterly stupid!
Wtf this is cancer
yes
haha awesome work!
“I do not yet despair – this semester was suffering, but I’m pretty experienced with suffering – I’ve watched Madoka Magica.”
That’s the spirit !
But seriously, though no one yet have an edge as eddggggiiiyy as #8man do at least for the current era.
The best we can achieve with our current edginess growth rate is Kirito.
This is why the anime industry is fucked, trying to turn fantasy into reality is a stone best left unturned.
worked for me buddy
Some people are just that stupid.I am also an anime fan,but I don’t try to act like the characters unless the situation calls for it (like in a cosplay competition,for example) and that’s because I know the line between fantasy and reality very well.I know that fantasy is something that would never happen(unless there’s a miracle) and I know the limits of reality so I don’t understand why that guy would do that.
I’m really confused.
if he really wanted a harem he shouldnt follow anime logic cause anime logic isnt real and doesnt make any sense most of the timeXD
Some advice:
[1] Season 1 Hachiman —> not a good role model
[2] Season 2 Hachiman past Ep.5 —> could be a good role model
It was stated that after season 1 the company in charge of making the anime wouldn’t follow the light novel by the book no more, so season 1 is the most realistic interpretation of Hachiman’s life, an outcast shunned by society, while season 2 opts for a more distorted aproach to reality, the one commonly found in vanilla anime.
For people interested in Oregairu, it’s best if you stick to the light novel, not the anime.
Apparently people who commented on this site don’t know what this site is about
this is fake guys.. xD
What? He’s free to sexually identify as he pleases, shitlord, and if his preferred identity is an edgy, shitty MC, more power to him. It’s 2016!
One thing I love more than articles like this are the people that comment and don’t understand what the website does.
@Poe Law probably linked from tumblr or some similarly shitty site
This is Fake lol
You know who sadly is more cringy and retarded than the guy from this article, people that don´t know what AnimeMaru does and write comments saying “you are a fking retard. because fking kids like you, that our society is fked-up.” and shit like that. It´s a fake article, it´s supposed to be funny. Sorry if this sound a little kinda agressive.
you’re disgusting
His first mistake was not finding a smokin’ hot teacher/mentor that believes in him and supports his efforts. I mean seriously, this is basic shit.
had a good laugh.. thanks
Hahahaha always nice to laugh at retardation
Omg you are awesome good Job man?
I like when people can’t identify satire
HahahahahahahahhahahahahahahAhahahahahA damn what the actual fuck
But was his intention……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….genuine?
Satire, guys. Satire.
cant believe people think this is real talk about not being able to separate facts from fiction
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire
hey everybody this is real. he goes to my school
remember folks
expectation is always far away from reality
So I guess the additional commenters here are from twitter?
Is that black hair justin bieber?
Pretty sure there was just an influx of randoms who have no idea what this site is about, but tried to jump on the bandwagon by making smartass comments
Is this the Oregairu live action casting?
I hate how live actions change the whole story about.
It worked for me. What’s a semester’s worth of social experiences worth, in exchange for the chance at your own harem?
If Hikki doesn’t work for you, try Kirito from the popular anime Swords Art OnIine. I can see that working at high school.