Local Man Still Not Pokemon Master


AUGUSTA, ME — With a sad look on his face, local man David Carvel, 34, set down his Nintendo 3DS and sighed. For the last three days he has been religiously playing on the new Pokemon Sun and Moon games, but the forlorn look on his face as he stares at his closed 3DS tells another story. Far from his youth, when there were a mere 151 Pokemon, it seems that yet another of his childhood dreams has died over the punishing flames of reality.

“Back when I was ten, and there were far fewer of those little bastards then there are now, I made it my mission in life to capture every damn one of them just like the game box said and be a Pokemon Master. But now, every three years it seems like more and more of them just kept coming out of the woodwork and now between my job, wife, and kids, I just can’t keep up anymore.”

David admits that while he still enjoys playing through the various new Pokemon games over the past twenty years, his distant childhood dream of possessing each and every one of them is just as dead and buried as his dreams of playing in a rock band or being a professional tip line guy for Nintendo of America.

“Its not all that bad though, I’ve got a good job and a great family. But every once in awhile I look back to those days when I was a kid and thought that I could capture every freaking Pokemon in existence, just like in the obnoxious songs they kept playing in the TV.”

“‘Gotta catch em all’, it said. ‘Gotta catch em all.'”

“My therapist has said I’ve made great steps towards letting go of the issue to and catch only Pokemon I like or that are useful in a fight. A few more sessions and I think I’ll be totally cured.”

Reportedly, both of David’s children are attempting to capture every Pokemon in Sun and Moon.

“I just hope they don’t give up on their dreams like I did.” he added.

About the author

The Queen of the Monster Girls from a distant planet, Fluffy Harpy first came to Earth with the intention of conquering it. She is however quite lazy, and has since given up on that goal and now fills her days with anime, video games, and occasionally writing for this very site. Someday she will show you all. twitter: @fluffyharpy