Local Man’s Search for Yuri Inhibited by ‘Yuri on Ice’


PLAINFIELD, IN — A man’s online search for yuri has become increasingly difficult due to the rise in popularity of the anime series Yuri on Ice, local sources claim. Steven Clarke, a 31-year old accountant who states that yuri is the only form of love left in his life, claims that Yuri on Ice has become a burden in his search to discover new yuri shows. The anime, which despite having ‘Yuri’ in the title has nothing to do with romantic and sexual relationships between girls, has continued to appear in nearly all of Clarke’s web searches making the discovery of new series difficult for the Indiana resident.

“There’s those goddamn homo skaters again,” Clarke stated as he scrolled through his tenth page of Google search results. “How many times do I have to say it? I want YURI, not Yuri on Ice. I swear I’m going to lose it if I see another mention of that damn show. All I want is to see are young girls in the midst of the most pure and ideal love of their adolescence. Is that too much to ask for?”

Clarke, who has begun his fourth re-watch of Sakura Trick, has become increasingly desperate in the last several months. Clarke states that he spends at least two hours a day looking for new yuri to add to his collection. He even offered to show us what he calls his “shrine to yuri” but our correspondent politely declined. Several of his neighbors have stated they have not seen Clarke in several weeks, although none have yet complained about his sudden disappearance.

“They could have at least name the main guy something other than Yuri, like Vlad or something,” Clarke told Anime Maru before returning to his monitor. “Or just name the thing ‘Yaoi on Ice’, at least people searching for it wouldn’t be disappointed then.” Clarke was last reported furiously refreshing the MAL page for Citrus to see if a release date had been announced yet.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.