Magical Girl Recruitment Down Due to Anti-Magical Girl Anime Propaganda

TOKYO, Japan — Magical girl recruitment is down across Japan, according to a recent press release from the Magical Girl Recruitment Trade Association. The cause that is being blamed by insiders is anime that portrays being a magical girl in a negative light, with shows such as Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Granbelm seen as anti-magical girl propaganda.

“Back when it was Sailormoon on TV, business was booming” said magical girl expert Mizuki Takeuchi. “Now with deconstructivist anime like Madoka and Granbelm focusing on the downside of joining a mystical struggle you know nothing about, barely anyone wants to sign up. When a talking mascot character comes to your door offering your fondest wish and magical powers why should you be suspicious?”

“We would never lie to a magical girl candidate on the benefits and costs of signing up. The magical girl contract describes all of that”: said Reed Rika, magical girl recruiter and adorable mascot. “Is it complicated? Sure. Is it written in a language they don’t understand? I guess. But not reading it closely would be like agreeing to a terms of service agreement for a phone app without reading it.”

“The mortality rate for magical girl’s has been overblown on social media. “ said magical girl patron Akio Morisawa. “The issue really is whether you are a main character or a supporting character. Main characters will live a long and productive life as magical girsl as long as sales are good. Magical girls who appear in like one episode? Hopefully they’ve preordered a grave site.”

Gen Z teenagers meanwhile say that being a magical girl is really only a career path for rich teenagers.

“Sure, I’d love to risk my life in some confusing mystic war” explained Emma Cabanos. “But I got school and a part-time job. My parents rarely go on months long trips that leave me alone at home and available to fight mystical beasts or other teenage girls.”

With such challenges, many magical girl recruiting mascots have been forced to turn to drastic measures. It has been reported some are even going to alternative realities for recruiting, framing the opportunities they offer as isekei.

About the author

G. Smith has seen the opening to the Toei Kanon series more recently and more often than you. His retirement savings is entirely invested in anime dvds, anime cels, and anime statues he stores in the basement. His Uno game could be better. He is on Twitter @gricomet