DICKINSON, ND — Jason David, self professed otaku, has announced to the world that he hopes his frequent severe nosebleeds are only due to all the sexy anime girls he had been seeing lately, not a serious medical condition, according to a recent tweet. David stated that, at the moment, he is pretty sure he does not need to seek medical attention.
“I know I’ve had all these serious nosebleeds lately, but I don’t need a doctor to diagnose the problem,” said David in his tweet. “It has to be all the sexy girls I’m seeing in my anime, right? RIGHT?”
Friends and loved ones express disbelief with Jason’s explanation for the nosebleeds.
“I don’t think my son’s nosebleeds can be caused by something like whatever ‘sexy anime girls’ is,” stated Jason’s mother, Karin David. “He is a good boy who would never watch anything naughty!”
“I really doubt his nosebleeds are due to ‘sexy anime girls,’” said Jason’s friend, Ken White. “The dude only watches shounen battle anime, he is too chicken to watch more explicit stuff or play dating sims. Some of those shounen female characters are cute I guess, but nosebleed cute? I don’t think so.”
Anime Maru talked to the only doctor covered by insurance as to his opinion on Jason.
“As a doctor, I’d need more data and an examination to diagnose a patient like Jason,” said Doctor Jack Yeager. “Like, is he watching anime with sexy girls such as Tenchi Muyo? That could do it. But do remember my doctorate is in media studies.”
According to latest reports, David has also started becoming increasingly nauseous, which he attributes to having watched too many anime cooking show episodes on a full stomach.