Nations Abandon Clean Energy Developments in Favor of Catgirl Research

NEW YORK CITY — United Nations members gathered to begin discussions regarding global issues this week. Spurred by the release of the Nekopara OVA, the main topic at the meeting quickly shifted to the funding of a united effort towards the biological engineering of catgirls. Clean energy efforts, the previous hot button issue, was quickly pushed aside to make room for the new agenda.

According to research from the EU Sociology and Humanitarian Institute, the greatest threat to humanity’s well-being is no longer related to warfare or rising energy demands. Rather, lack of companionship was found to be the largest factor for dissatisfaction and unhappiness among individuals. Catgirls, previously only thought of as a being of fiction, were determined to be the ideal solution for providing a source of comfort.

“It’s not a matter of if it can be done, but that it has to be done,” stated the representative from France. “Too long have our efforts been wasted on fractured efforts that yield only small gains in the short term. It is time to focus efforts on developments that benefit mankind as a whole.”

Greece, whose national debt suspiciously grew several fold during the Nekopara OVA kickstarter, was an advent supporter of the proposition stating it was willing to contribute €500 million of Germany’s money towards the research effort.

“Catgirls would present many benefits for our citizens,” added the representative from Russia. “They are hug-gable, dependable, and most importantly fu… fun to have around.”

Other European Union members were also in favor of shifting efforts into catgirl research, marking the first time in history that Europeans have actually agreed on anything.

“We can try as much as we want with environmental programs, but it doesn’t amount to anything when the pollutants just get moved elsewhere to avoid the new regulations,” stated the diplomat of Sweden. “At least with this initiative people can be happy, even if they are slowly choking to death on their own fumes.”

The United States remains the only UN member currently opposed to catgirl research. The US administration commented on the issue calling it “an oriental conspiracy intent on stealing American jobs”. The administration further claimed that it would make efforts to protect American maid and cafe workers from losing their employment to illegal feline immigrants.

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Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.