BETHESDA, MD — The National Institutes of Health today announced that they would be lifting the ban on the creation of human-animal genetic hybrids. This would enable such projects as creating animals with human organs for harvest, or to create more useful test subjects with bodily systems that closely mimicked those of humans. However, NIH Director Francis Collins, 66, shocked an assembled press that the creation of so-called “Monster Girls” was his top priority.
“Since the dawn of human civilization man has depicted human-animal hybrids in our myths, religions, and even pop culture. Even just 30 years ago men dreamed of women with cat ears whose cries of ‘Nyah warmed our hearts and made us ask ourselves “Could such a perfect thing ever exist in reality?,” Collins told dumbfounded reporters.
“The day we can finally answer yes to that age old question has finally come, as we the NIH will be fulfilling humanity’s long held dream of real waifus with cat ears, snake tails, spider legs, and even gills!”
“Indeed today marks the beginning of a new monster girl filled era for us all!” Collins passionately announced while holding a pillow bearing the likeness of the lamia Miia close to his chest.
According to sources within the NIH, funding for the so-called “Monster Girl Realization Project” would not funded by tax payer dollars, but rather private donations solicited from fans online who left such anonymous comments on the projects Indiegogo page as as “Its about time science did something useful!” and “I’m so happy that we no longer have to live in a world where you can’t walk down the street with a girl with bunny ears at your side..”
Though some experts fear that the inception of such creatures may lead to an eventual revolt in which humanity is over thrown by the superior strength and ability of its own creation, in a statement to Anime Maru the NIH assured the public that the only possible side effect of the project would be the removal of otaku from the dating pool.