PYONGYANG – North Korean state media has reported the “triumphant return” of leader Kim Jong-Un, who had not made a public appearance in 40 days. His unexplained absence sparked a global rumor-mill regarding his fate and possible upheavals in the dictatorship’s top echelons.
According to reports, Kim was engaged in a furious anime marathon – a necessity considering his busy schedule. “Dear Leader works for the betterment of the people and sleeps as little as 5 minutes a night, so he is only afforded brief respites during which he can catch up on his favorite shows.”
Shows Kim marathoned included Hunter x Hunter, where Kim reportedly “greatly enjoyed the Chimera Ant Arc and felt particular sympathy for the all-powerful King, but also took special pleasure in the events that followed,” the report continued. North Korean media reports are vague by law, as spoilers carry harsh penalties including executions or deportations to hard labor camps for entire families. In 1998, Kim’s father, Kim Jong-Il, dispatched an entire newspaper staff to a labor camp after they had unintentionally printed a Neon Genesis Evangelion spoiler before he had managed to watch it.
Meanwhile Kim Jong-Un could be seen walking with a cane as he visited a clothing factory. The North Korean media reported the injury as related to Kim’s affinity for his Attack on Titan-style 3D maneuver gear, which Kim is reportedly an expert in using, but Chinese reporters with good contacts in Pyongyang report that the injury was actually sustained while trying to do the dance moves from the Love Live “Snow Halation” video.