Hank Robinson has been shipwrecked on an island that tragically contains no anime girls, according to a note found in a bottle on a beach in Honolulu, Hawaii.
“When I washed up on the island I know immediately what to do to survive: search for anime girls,” recalled Robinson. “I looked everywhere and didn’t even find a cute animal, let alone an anime girl! It was then I realized I was in trouble.”
As local authorities began to organize search parties, Robinson’s co-workers expressed mild disinterest in the news.
“Oh that weird dude is missing?” said co-worker Tommie Crusoe. “He spends all his time at work talking about how cute his wife is but he pronounces the word funny.”
“We did a team building exercise once about what items to bring if you were lost on a deserted island,” another co-worker, William Friday, told Anime Maru. “I hope that helps him now, but I kind of remember he was on his phone the whole time and his only contribution was yelling ‘subs not dubs,’ which didn’t make any sense to us.”
“Today’s Millenial and Gen Z otaku just don’t have the motivation and skills to survive alone on an island,” explained Dr. Nadia King, an expert on otaku stranded on islands. “Even if they watched some Are You Lost? they probably only remember the fan service and the memes, not the survival tips.”
A second note in a bottle has revealed that Robinson had now made his own dakimakura out of a coconut with a hole in it and has named it Koko-chan.