Anime Maru Adventures Episode 1: Please Help Me

TOKYO, Japan — To anyone that is reading this, please send help. My name is Steve Sigbjorn. Three months ago I answered a classified ad for an anime news website that was looking for a travel writer. Next thing I knew, I was packed in a shipping container and dropped off in downtown Tokyo with nothing but a tablet, 100 yen, and a copy of Tokyo Geek’s Guide. It is getting cold. I have been doing unspeakable things to earn money for food. My attempts to contact Anime Maru for help have been ignored. I don’t think I can survive for much longer.

Popularity of Wake Up, Girls! Explodes After Changing Name to “Wake Up, Blockchain!”

The popularity of the voice acting idol unit Wake Up, Girls! has exploded overnight after the group changed its name to “Wake Up, Blockchain!”, according to a survey conducted by Mantan…

New Anime About High School Girls Paying Attention in Class Green-Lit

According to industry sources, Class-Time, a new original anime from Silver Link, has been green-lit. The anime will focus on the daily lives of four girls who attend high school. Instead of…

Former Computer Club President Exposed on Past Sexual Assault Allegations

A major Tokyo-based technology firm came under fire this week when photos emerged of its CEO committing apparent acts of sexual abuse. Konuma Yasashi, current CEO of Takai Systems and…

Smogon Bans Pikachu from Pokemon Anime

Today Smogon University announced they were banning Pikachu from the Pokemon anime metagame in a 74% majority vote of qualified users. Following this vote, Pikachu will no longer be allowed…

Unsuspecting Mother Enters Spencer’s Gifts to Shop for Presents

LEHIGH VALLEY, PA — Christine Morrison, a 48-year-old mother of two, has entered the Spencer’s Gifts in the local mall in order to shop for her 22-year-old anime-loving son. The well-meaning…

Barnes and Noble Apparently Sells Idolmaster Figures Now

CEDAR PARK, TX — Reports have come in from anime fan Pedro Serrano that bookseller Barnes and Noble now apparently sells iDOLM@STER figures. “I came into Barnes and Noble to…

Heartwarming: Homeless Man Receives Free Funimation Premium Trial

Say hello to Peter Sargrove, a homeless man living in Camden, New Jersey. Sargrove has been homeless for five years now. As the weather turns cold, the days become more…

FedEx to Deploy AE86 Fleet to Meet Holiday Shipping Demand

The second largest shipping company in the United States announced recently that it would be acquiring additional vehicles to supplement its fleet during the holidays. The particular vehicle chosen would…

It’s Not Gambling if the Girls are Cute Enough, Rules Japanese Agency

With the recent investigation by some countries into whether or not certain elements in video games could be considered gambling, Japan’s Consumer Affairs Agency also began investigations this week into…